At Two Lemonades and a Circle

A Comedy in One Act and One Full Detour

“In cities where everyone is searching, the hardest thing is to find yourself… and not spill your lemonade.”

CHARACTERS

Charlie – a short, sturdy man, with a hat as big as an umbrella, and cheeks as red as a bell pepper.
John – a tall, skinny man, with the same oversized hat, a philosopher’s gaze, but currently unemployed.
The Waiter – quick-witted, sarcastic, and used to all the craziness of the city.
The Passerby – a slow-moving man, unimpressed by anything.
The Old Lady – sharp-eyed, full of words and vegetables.
The New Guy – a confused customer who unwittingly completes the circle.

SETTING

A dusty café terrace with wobbly tables, tattered umbrellas, and air as hot as a boiling pot of soup. Above, a rusty sign reads: “At Two Lemonades – cold in the ad, warm in the glass! Or something like that.”

PROLOGUE

The light gently falls on the stage. The lazy buzz of a fly fills the air. The Waiter absentmindedly wipes a table, then turns to the audience, smiling slyly.

WAITER / NARRATOR (in a mischievous, gently ironic tone):
Here, in the city with streets that loop in circles, where friends are lost quicker than shadows, at “Two Lemonades” you’ll always find: lukewarm lemonade, old brew, and… a glass full of confusion! In this world, searching for yourself is an art, finding yourself is an accident, and arguing with your own shadow… well, that’s a sign the show’s about to start!

Hurried footsteps are heard. Charlie enters, sweating, holding his hat with one hand and gesturing nervously with the other.

CHARLIE (arguing with his shadow on the pavement):
— What’s this, mate?! I leave you here to wait, and you… cross to the other side of the sidewalk? Unbelievable! Not even shadows are loyal anymore! (He dramatically slaps his shadow with his hat.) Betrayal! Betrayal shouted at high noon!

The Waiter clears his throat theatrically, looking over his glasses.

WAITER (to the audience):
— Take a seat, folks, and hold on to your hats… Today, at Two Lemonades and a Circle, we search, we argue… and drink until we find ourselves! (absent-mindedly wiping a table.)

WAITER (to Charlie):
— Sir, if you’re arguing with your shadow, you’ll need to pay double: one for you, and one for your… shadow!

CHARLIE (offended):
— My shadow’s got more character than some people, you know! (then, theatrically sighing) At least it doesn’t argue with me… usually.

WAITER (chuckling):
— That’s what everyone says… until their shadow steps on their sore spots! Take a seat, Mr. Charlie. And search for yourself… in installments!

Charlie sighs and starts looking for his friend.

ACT ONE

The lights come up. In the background, a fly buzzes. The terrace is deserted, sizzling hot.

SCENE 1: Charlie on a mission

Charlie enters, wiping his forehead. He spots the Passerby chewing gum.

CHARLIE (hurriedly):
— Sir! Have you seen a tall, thin man, with a big hat, a poet’s gaze, and a bit of a delayed arrival?

THE PASSERBY (eyeing him from head to toe):
— Looks like you’re describing yourself, mate…

CHARLIE (exasperated):
— Me?! I’m built like a water tower, not a string of spider silk!

He storms off indignantly.

NARRATOR (whispering, raising an eyebrow):
— When two fools are searching for each other, they first find other problems… and only later find themselves!

SCENE 2: John and Charlie in action. Confusions and absurd descriptions

John enters, with his cane waving in the air.

JOHN (grumbling):
— Hot as anything and minds too few… The country’s full of people, and I can’t even find a poor Charlie…

He approaches an Old Lady with vegetables.

JOHN (politely):
— Excuse me, dear lady, have you seen a short man, red as a lobster, with a hat as big as a house, and the eyes of a lamb before Easter?

THE OLD LADY (making the sign of the cross):
— Is that you, mate? Don’t you recognize yourself?

JOHN (shocked):
— If I look like that… I’m heading straight for confession!

He leaves grumbling.

NARRATOR (whispering, knowingly):
— Good friends aren’t found at the market… but they’re lost quickly between the stalls!

Charlie at the bookstore.

CHARLIE (in a tired detective-like tone):
— Have you seen a tall, thin man, with a big hat, wandering eyes, and the walk of a poet without a pension?

BOOKSELLER (without blinking):
— Look in the mirror, mate, there’s a shortage of windows!

Charlie sighs deeply and leaves.

NARRATOR (melancholic and sarcastic):
Some get lost among the shelves, others in their own thoughts…

John at the fruit stand.

JOHN (nervously and agitated):
— I’m looking for a stout, jovial man, with an imaginary mustache and a serious fool’s air!

FRUIT SELLER (bored):
— Why, planning to put him in a stew?

John leaves grumbling, stepping on a fallen apple.

NARRATOR (laughing under his breath):
If you search among the tomatoes, you might just find him in the pickles!

Charlie at the newsstand.

CHARLIE (with comic seriousness):
— Did a tall, thin man, with a wide hat, and the eyes of an unemployed philosopher pass by here?

NEWSSELLER (weakly):
— Yeah, about five minutes ago… he was selling newspapers too!

John at the pharmacy.

JOHN (hurriedly, in a whisper):
— Good day, I’m looking for… I mean, pardon, I’ve been looking for a short, round man, with a wide hat, and a little emotional first-aid kit?

PHARMACIST (without blinking):
— We don’t have him. Maybe some bandages for lost friends?

John leaves deflated.

Charlie at the pastry shop.

CHARLIE (sweating and excited):
— Have you seen a short, stout man, with a hat as big as a display case and a tart-like face well-baked?

PASTRY SHOP ATTENDANT (raising an eyebrow):
— We only have pastries, mate, not edible figurines!

John at the flower shop.

JOHN (almost begging):
— Have you seen a man with a hat and the walk of a wind-blown tulip?

FLORIST (mockingly):
— Just some withered carnations… You look like one of them!

John leaves, angrily hitting a flowerpot with his cane.

NARRATOR (philosophically and with meaning):
When you look like what you’re searching for, you can’t find it!

Charlie at a hat shop.

CHARLIE (officially and gravely):
— Have you seen a tall, thin man, with a hat as big as a cartwheel and the gaze of a wet chicken?

HAT SHOP ATTENDANT (barely holding in laughter):
— All customers look like that after seeing the prices!

John at the ice cream stand.

JOHN (almost melting):
— Did a short, rosy man, with a hat the size of a cake and the walk of melting ice cream pass by here?

ICE CREAM VENDOR (enjoying the moment):
— Yeah, but he melted before we could catch him!

Charlie, still more heated, stops by an Old Lady with parsley.

CHARLIE (with a trembling voice):
— Excuse me, dear lady, I’m looking for a simple man, short, with a wide hat and a kind soul…

THE OLD LADY (handing him a coin):
— Here, take a lemonade! And pray to Saint Anthony to find him!

CHARLIE (stone-faced):
— I’m not begging, I’m looking for a friend!

THE OLD LADY (shouting):
— Oh, friends are pricier than cold kvasss!

Charlie leaves grumbling.

John, between two stalls.

JOHN (desperate):
— A short man, with a hat as big as the bell of the cathedral, walking like a deflated wheel?

WOMAN (stopping suddenly):
— Do you sell hats? How much is one?

JOHN (dazed):
— I don’t sell hats, I’m looking for a friend!

WOMAN (suspiciously):
— That’s what everyone says… then they force the hat on your head!

SCENE 3: The Heroic Meeting

The light falls on the dusty terrace. The Waiter absentmindedly wipes a table, humming a meaningless tune. From two different paths, Charlie and John enter almost simultaneously, swaying slightly from fatigue and heat. They stop face to face, staring at each other like two confused hens.

CHARLIE (eyes wide, shouting and waving his hand like a sailor):
— Could it be you’re the one I’ve been searching for?

John shakes the dust from his hat, puts it back on crookedly, and chuckles under his mustache, like a student caught cheating.

JOHN (bowing theatrically):
— I am, but you’ve been late a lifetime!

(short pause, grinning mischievously)
— Two lifetimes, if we count the time wasted in the fruit stand!

Charlie rolls up his sleeves like a sentimental butcher.

CHARLIE (offended, raising his eyebrows):
— I was on time, sir!

(then, looking around conspiratorially)
— So on time that I missed the entire future!

The Waiter, seeing the scene, comes running with two glasses of kvass on a tray, holding them like champion cups.

WAITER (shouting cheerfully, like at a horse race):
— A warm kvass for each philosopher of confusion! Share your prize and your weeds!

The Waiter places the glasses in front of them and, without stopping, bows clumsily. Charlie and John, looking at the steaming kvasss, frown theatrically, like two scientists in front of an impossible formula.

CHARLIE (pushing his glass toward John):
— Toast to me, for you’ve stolen two hours from my life and about three liters of sweat!

JOHN (pushing it back):
— Toast to me, for I’ve been kidnapped, abandoned, and lost in the world of vegetables!

They each push the glass toward the other, lightly tapping their fingers, until, tired, they decide to toast at the same time. CLINK! The glasses crash so hard that a drop of kvass lands right on the Waiter’s nose, who bursts out laughing. After a few hearty sips, Charlie and John wipe their mouths with their sleeves and look at each other, each glued to the back of the chair, like two roosters ready for a confrontation.

CHARLIE (pointing accusingly with a finger, tapping lightly on the table with each word):
— You lost me, not the other way around!

(leans conspiratorially over the table)
— I stayed still like a stump, you wandered like a mosquito in an open field!

JOHN (slapping the table nervously, then making a wide, theatrical gesture):
— If I had searched with my heart, I would have found myself, not you!

(then, pointing at Charlie’s head as if measuring his hat)
— But as it is… I searched for a hat and found an illusion with legs!

Charlie pulls back offended, smooths his jacket, pats his belly like a parade rooster.

CHARLIE (with an offended air):
— You said I look like a rabid bell pepper!

(fluffs up like an angry turkey)
— As if you were a beef salad at a royal reception!

JOHN (jumping up from the chair and gesturing in the air):
— And you walk like a paralyzed goose!

(does a few limp steps, imitating the ridiculous walk)
— You walked like a stew of okra dropped on the floor!

Charlie stands up abruptly, with his hat crooked, taking rigid steps like a robot, imitating John.

CHARLIE (lightly tapping the table with his fingertip):
— At least I walked!

(sways theatrically on his heels)
— You floated… as if you were pulling a sleigh with no snow!

JOHN (making a dismissive gesture as if brushing away a cloud):
— No, you were like an iron left unplugged by God himself!

The Waiter, from behind the counter, bursts into quiet laughter and leans back, wiping a glass without looking.

CHARLIE (putting his hand on his heart dramatically):
— If you had stayed quiet, you would have remained a philosopher!

(then, circling around John like an old rooster)
— So… you’ve become a storm meteorologist in sourdough glasses!

JOHN (making a theatrical wind gesture with his hat):
— And you, if you stayed in place, would have been a national monument!

(taps the imaginary cane on the asphalt)
— Now you’re just a melting wax statue!

They approach each other nose to nose, but each trembles comically with indignation, like two leaves in the wind.

CHARLIE (as if presenting himself in court):
— Charlie, a monument of willpower!

JOHN (with an ironic bow):
— John, the guiding light!

CHARLIE (poking the air with his hat):
— Charlie, a pillar of honor!

JOHN (making a drowning gesture in the air):
— John, a lost buoy in a storm!

They stop, gasping, with red cheeks and crooked hats on their heads. They look at each other long, almost hypnotized by the ridiculousness of the situation.

And suddenly, they burst into hearty laughter, shaking from the shoulders down.

The Waiter, taking advantage of the moment, comes with two full glasses and slams them on the table loudly.

WAITER (with comic satisfaction):
— A fight without kvass is like lemonade without water: empty screams, gentlemen!

Charlie and John, still chuckling, toast loudly with their glasses.

NARRATOR (warmly, with a mischievous tone):

• True friendship begins when you no longer take yourself seriously. And when you laugh harder at yourself than at others!

WAITER (wiping his nose with his sleeve):
— Good thing you didn’t search for your parents… or we’d have a general flood!

Charlie, sipping from his kvass, sighs so loudly that the terrace’s umbrellas flutter gently.

CHARLIE (with deep comic seriousness):
— Such a friendship like ours…
(pause)
— You can’t even find it at a second-hand store!

JOHN (laughing and patting him on the shoulder):
— And if you do find it, it’s still half broken!

They laugh heartily, almost rolling under the table. While laughing joyously and wiping their foreheads, each takes off the other’s hat and slams it on the table. In a mechanical, careless gesture, when they stand up again to greet like serious people, they each pick up the other’s hat — without realizing it. The Waiter, witnessing the mix-up, raises an eyebrow and signals to the audience to stay silent, so they don’t ruin the moment.

Finally, Charlie and John realize they are wearing the wrong hats. They stop, their eyes widen.

CHARLIE (murmuring, as if after a revelation):
— Wait a minute… this hat… isn’t mine!

JOHN (scratching under his hat):
— This one’s not mine either!

(short pause, clueless yet understanding glances)

— It’s yours!

CHARLIE (hitting his forehead theatrically):
— And yours… is mine!

(beatific pause)

— We’ve lived a tragedy in someone else’s head!

At last, they realize at the same time that they are wearing the wrong hats. They look at each other long, stretch their hats solemnly toward each other, exchange them like in a universal reconciliation ritual. They each put the correct hat on, breathe with relief, and burst into loud, healthy laughter.

JOHN (putting his hat back in its place):
— Now I get it. I’m the right fool in the right hat!

CHARLIE (smiling broadly, with comic satisfaction):
— Me too! I think more clearly now… that is, less!

They sit down, look at their kvasss with affection, and raise their glasses again.

JOHN (raising a toast):
— Long live the hats, they keep our heads in one place!

CHARLIE (completing):
— And long live the confusions, because without them, we would never have been so sincere!

NARRATOR (voice from the shadows, like a grandfather with a smile in the corner of his mouth):

• At Two Lemonades and a Circle, friends get lost, confuse each other, argue… but in the end, they put their hats in place and their hearts on the same table!

FINAL EPILOGUE

*The light fades slowly. The music of the barrel organ grows softer. The Waiter wipes his apron, smiling mischievously at the audience. In the middle of the stage, the Narrator steps calmly, with a

glass of kvass in hand.*

NARRATOR (calmly, as if telling a bedtime story):
And so, in the city where the streets are round, friends are lost quicker than shadows, and hats no longer know whose they are… At Two Lemonades and a Circle, you don’t always find what you’re looking for. But you find, without meaning to, what you need: a hearty laugh, a warm kvass… and a friend who gets lost just as beautifully as you. Because in the end, dear ones, life is nothing more than a dusty terrace, warm lemonade, and a circle where we search… laughing.

The Narrator raises the glass toward the audience in a mischievous toast gesture.

NARRATOR (with a playful ring in his voice):
Cheers and safe travels in your own circles!

He drinks his kvass in one gulp, puts his hat on crookedly, gives a light kick to a shadow, and slowly exits the stage. The curtain falls on their laughter and the faint music of the barrel organ.

FINAL CURTAIN